instant karma.

i've never purchased alcohol before, even through someone else, up until today. there's a first time for everything, this is no exception, and today was my day. so the first part that drove me wild was trying to make sure i didn't give off the impression of being under age at the liquor store. turns out, it was a piece of nervous sweat cake. i was feeling pretty sweet, after i was handed my purchase to put in my purse. walking back towards the school, still feeling pretty sweet. i entered the school through an unguarded entrance and started looking for some friends. then it hits me, there's some sort of mass chaos taking place, and soon realize that there are cops, at every entrance-searching bags. the one day, i do something illegal, and unlike me. . .i end up freaking out, stuffing it in my locker, and praying that they don't search 'em.

instant karma? or just life. . we'll find out tomorrow.

but seriously, what kind of idiot cop, leaves a bag with a gun in it, unattended.

hope that motherfucker loses his job.

home is where.

currently listening to
jesus christ by brand new

"home is where you hang yourself."

this quote describes without any imprecision the purpose of the home in my life.

i don't mean 'hang yourself' in the literal, suicidal sense. for some reason whenever i read that lyric it makes me think of hanging yourself like a jacket, on a beautifully detailed, hand carved coat rack, or slung around a metal hanger and shut behind the confines of the closet doors. my home is where i put myself, when i'm not using me, until i need me again.

there's no life within the walls of my home, it's like i've entered another world. life doesn't progress, it just stands still. i sit around, doing nothing, just waiting until i have to leave again.

i find it sad that the purpose of what's supposed to be a warm, comforting place is really the last place i ever want to be.